Disrespecting parents is another major sin in Islam. Like everyone, Islam has given rights and duties to parents and children and there are some limitations imposed on both as well. Respecting parents and obeying parents are two different things. No one can love children more than parents. One should respect parents but obeying them is not necessary let us elaborate this point in this article.
Who are parents?
Parents mean the mother and father of the child who bring the children to this world.
If parents are kafir?
Whether parents of a Muslim child are kafir , he is still bound by Islam to be kind and good to them. Disrespecting them for their disbelief is also punishable.
Narrated Asma’: “My mother who was a Mushrikah (pagan, etc.), came with her father during the period of peace pact between the Muslims and the Quraish infidels. I went to seek the advice of the Prophet (ﷺ) (ﷺ) saying, “My mother has arrived and she is hoping (for my favor).” The Prophet (ﷺ) (ﷺ) said, “Yes, be good to your mother.” Sahih bukhari book of good manners hadith 5979.
Difference between respect and obeying
A person is only obliged to obey Allah and His messenger. Respecting is something else. Obeying means to accept every commandment without any argument but respect does not include obeying. Being respectful means to be kind to them and do not disrespect. Fulfilling all the duties towards them is necessary but if the wishes of parents are against teachings of Islam then it should not be fulfilled.
Meaning of word ehsan
The word ehsan is used in the verses where Allah has commanded people to respect the parents. The word ehsan means to do the best. Every person should respect them in the very best way which does not mean that all the other responsibilities should be neglected. Allah knows the capacity of a person so if one is respecting the parents in best of his abilities then he is not liable in front of Allah. Shouting and abusing parents is prohibited but it does not mean that if they are being unjust then one should do what they want you to do. Be respectful but children are not slaves to the parents.
Right of parents
Allah has given many rights to parents which are mentioned in another article
Why it is a major sin?
In surah Al Anam verse 151, Allah had mentioned that
Say, “Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment, and do not kill your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them. And do not approach immoralities – what is apparent of them and what is concealed. And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that you may use reason.”
In the above verse it is clearly mentioned that bad behavior with parents is prohibited. There are many other reasons why disrespecting the parents is a major sin.
- In many verses of Quran after obedience of Allah, it is commanded to respect the parents.
- The parents are the ones who bring us in this world. A mother had gone through alot during the pregnancy so one should respect her.
- Parents love the children unconditionally.
- Parents are the guardians for children in this world.
- Allah has become angry with the anger of parents.
- They have more right on your kindness.
Characteristics of disobedient children
There are three characteristics of children mention in Quran
- Un blessed
Benefits of respecting parents
There are following benefits of respecting parents.
- Respecting and looking after the parents is better than jihad.
- It is also an expiation of sins.
- Happiness of parents is equivalent to happiness of Allah.
- The ones who are good with parents are protected by angels and angels pray for them as well.
- Goodness to parents cools down the anger of Allah.
- It prolongs life.
- It wards off poverty and misfortune.
- Prayers of parents for their children can bring immense benefits for the children.
Magnitude of respect of Mother and father
A mother is three times more rightful of the mercy and kindness of its children.
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. Surah Ahqaf verse 15
Conditions in which one can disobey
Following are the conditions that one can disobey the parents.
- But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. Surah al ankabut verse 8.
This above verse shows that if any wish of parents is against Islam then one should not follow it.
- And when they commit an immorality, they say, “We found our fathers doing it, and Allah has ordered us to do it.” Say, “Indeed, Allah does not order immorality. Do you say about Allah that which you do not know? Surah al Araf verse 28
In this verse, it is mentioned that if a person is following traditions which are against Islam but parents want the children to follow them on the name of culture or anything, the child can disobey parents.
- If parents want one to divorce their wife or to abuse her verbally or physically then one is not allowed to obey the parents as she also have her own rights.
- If parents want one to break the ties of relations then one should not obey them.
Verses about obedience of parents
- And [made me] dutiful to my mother, and He has not made me a wretched tyrant. Surah Maryam verse 32
- And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. Surah Luqman verse 14
- And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. Surah Bani Israel verse 23
- And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. Surah Ankabut verse 8
hadith about respecting parents
- Narrated Al-Walid bin ‘Aizar: I heard Abi `Amr ‘Ash-Shaibani saying, “The owner of this house.” he pointed to `Abdullah’s house, “said, ‘I asked the Prophet (ﷺ) ‘Which deed is loved most by Allah?” He replied, ‘To offer prayers at their early (very first) stated times.’ ” `Abdullah asked, “What is the next (in goodness)?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “To be good and dutiful to one’s parents,” `Abdullah asked, “What is the next (in goodness)?” The Prophet said, To participate in Jihad for Allah’s Cause.” `Abdullah added, “The Prophet (ﷺ) narrated to me these three things, and if I had asked more, he would have told me more sahih bukhari book of good manners hadith 5970
- Narrated Abu Huraira: A man came to Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) and said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Your mother.” The man said. “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man further said, “Who is next?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Your father. ” sahih bukhari book of good manners hadith 5971
- Narrated `Abdullah bin `Amr: A man said to the Prophet, “Shall I participate in Jihad?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Are your parents living?” The man said, “Yes.” the Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Do Jihad for their benefit.” Sahih bukhari book of good manners hadith 5972
- Narrated `Abdullah bin `Amr: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said. “It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents.” It was asked (by the people), “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! How does a man curse his parents?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “‘The man abuses the father of another man and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother.” Sahih bukhari book of good manners hadith 5973
Punishment of disobedience to parents
If a person is disobedient to the parents following punishments will be given to him from Allah.
- Salah of disobedient person will not be accepted.
- The person will be punished in this world and then Akhira as well.
- Disrespect to parents will result in poverty and misfortune.
- It will bring disgrace to the disobedient.
If you find any mistake in this article please feel free to contact us and point it out. We will try to correct it in the light of Quran and Sunnah. May Allah bless us all with the authentic knowledge of Islam. May this effort of ours ease the way of jannah for our family.